Embrace Disappointment, Embrace Silence

“There are insights and emotions that can find you in no other way than through silence and within silence.”  - Susan Scott, “Fierce Conversations”

Atacama, Chile.  A place of solitude where I have embraced that fierce,
internal conversation in life's disappointments.

If you take risks, you will endure disappointment.  Perhaps you will fail yourself or fail someone else. Maybe someone will fail to keep a commitment to you. The timing of your new venture will be wrong. Your new product launch won't catch fire.

When disappointment comes, you won’t like what you feel. When it comes, you likely will be more than a bit inconsolable. When it arrives, you likely won’t be proud of your behavior. You may sulk.  You may withdraw initially.  You may play the role of a victim.

Is there a way to avoid disappointment? Absolutely not. Not if you intend to make an impact or achieve some work that is really worthwhile.

So buck it up. When disappointment comes, take Susan Scott’s advice and move into what feels like an even more dangerous place than disappointment – silence. Sit with your questions. Refuse to self-medicate your unease. Allow for a pause. 

Why?

Because in silence will come a new way of accepting your part in your failures. In quiet you will gain clarity and find new direction. In the pause of life you will find a recommitment to your vision, purpose and desire to make an impact.

What choice is there for you anyway?  You won’t settle for failure and you won’t settle for no impact in life.  At your very core, you sense you must make a significant, positive impact in life. So embrace disappointment and move on with renewed knowledge and intensity!

Work Like Today Is The Worst Day of Your Life

If you lived along the coastline of Louisiana the day Katrina roared ashore back in August of 2005, you could easily have called it the worst day of your life. But it can also be said that the events that followed proved we are often at our best when the climate is at its worst.

Orchid Ceramics had a small facility in New Orleans when Katrina hit and all of the employees there suffered personal trauma and huge personal losses. All of them faced unimaginable emotional shock in the first days after the storm and then ongoing stress set in later as the days went by, when they realized that the landscape of their lives had been changed forever. All of them suffered loss of property and faced months of restoring, repairing or rebuilding their homes. Some had lost everything.

In the aftermath, Maurizio Francescon, the manager of the New Orleans facility, chose to do something surprising and ensouling. He chose to reopen his retail store just days after Katrina hit, even though there was no power, no air conditioning, no lights and no customers. He set a required “return to work” date that was well out in the future. But employees could also opt to return to work on an earlier date, if they chose to do so.

How many employees do you think returned to work before the mandatory “return to work” date?

All of them.

In the days after Katrina, the team members found work ensouling. Work was a place to go and engage head and heart, a place to forget some of their personal drama, a place to draw support from others who were facing common challenges, and a place to rebuild a business together.

Manager of New Orleans, Maurizio Francescon (L) rebuilds a business and the lives of his employees.

Other employees around the globe immediately joined in with offers to help in any way possible. In the end, it was decided the best thing they could do was to pass the hat and offer to cover the property losses of their fellow employees. And they did just that. Their fellow employees raised enough money to “make whole” all of the property losses of the individuals in New Orleans, some of whom had lost literally everything.

The worst day in the lives of the team in New Orleans brought out the very best of each person in that company: both in those that were directly impacted by the storm and those that had the opportunity to come alongside to help.

Work can bring out so many good things in us. Don’t wait until a Katrina-size storm hits your business to learn that lesson. Use the challenges you face today to unite your employees and ensoul your workplace!

Work like today is the worst day of your life and you will be ensouled.

Mistaking Busy-ness For Purpose

I remarked recently to my friend Tom Lane about how many of my newly retired friends struggle to find direction in their lives. Tom is a guy that is something of an expert in helping people find direction, he is a partner and is one of the primary consultants at The Center For Intentional Leadership.  I told Tom my observation; how for 30 or 40 years people run the “hamster wheel” in the workplace or at home; making decisions, porting kids from one activity to another, rushing from meeting to meeting, fielding complaints from customers, making sure that orders got out the door on time; and then suddenly, it was over. One day they pass magically into the ranks of the “retired” and emails stop arriving, the phone stops ringing, kids leave the nest and now nobody looks to them for any decisions, big or small.

I heard a story years ago about a recent retiree that began micro-managing his wife’s every decision, treating her as he had treated his direct reports in the workplace. After about a month of this behavior, it became insufferable for her and as he was giving her a tip on how to do some job she had done daily for their entire marriage she broke and exclaimed, “You know we did just fine without you here for 40 years! Don’t you have something better to do?”

Recently I became aware of the fact that many retirees unwittingly fall into alcohol addiction. A 2004 article in the New York Times quoted one recent retiree as saying, “There was nothing to do except read and drink and gradually the drinking took precedence over the reading. I got completely out of control.”

I was relating all of this to Tom and told him I thought this pointed-up how important it was to live with purpose in life. “All these people had purpose when they were working, but when they left the workplace or when the kids left the home, they lost their purpose.”

With insight, Tom corrected me. Wagging an index finger in a knowing and friendly way he said, “Nah, they never had purpose. They were just busy. They were just busy from the time they were in their 20’s and 30’s and they mistook busy-ness for purpose.”

When someone makes a stunning observation like Tom did, there is only one rational thing you can do: let it sink deeply into the cracks of your own life by asking a few tough questions of yourself.  Here are a few you can ask, but also take time to think of your own:

• Am I masking a lack of purpose in my life with busy-ness?
• Why am I busy? Does it provide a false sense of security? Does it make me feel important?
• What lessons am I teaching my children by scheduling every minute of their young lives and then serving as a frantic porter who moves them from activity to activity?
•  If I removed 60% of the activities in my life, would I experience a sense of loss or confusion? With what would I most likely anesthetize that sense of loss or confusion? 
• What will I leave and who will truly be grieved when I am gone? How much of my time is given to that legacy and to those people in my calendar this week?

Lose some busy-ness and find some purpose in your life!

“Being successful and fulfilling your life’s purpose are not necessarily the same thing. You can reach all your personal goals, become a raving success by the world’s standard and still miss your purpose in this life.” – Rick Warren